Incomplete

Chapter 1

I paced my room slowly, getting nervous about seeing everyone for the first time in almost 3 months. During my stay in Rehab, they weren’t allowed come visit me, but I was allowed talk to them on the phone. Nick and Reese had gone through the house and gotten rid of everything alcoholic drink they’d found. I even told them where my stash was. I was so scared that Reese had changed, had gotten used to me not being around.

“Hey dude, it’s time to go” Said my friend, Darryn popping his head in the door. I nodded and he smiled and came in, picking up a bag. We walked in silence to the front doors where he handed me my bag and gave me a hug.

“Good luck man” He said

“Look me up when you’re out” I said to him. He nodded and waved. I said goodbye to the reception girl and she also wished me luck. I pushed open the door and walked outside and down the steps. I carefully walked forwards and glanced into the carpark that was shielded mostly by a gate. I saw 2 familiar cars and kept walking I went out the gate and stopped when I saw them. Reese was the first to look up. I dropped my bag and we both started running. When we meet I picked her up and spun her around. Cliché I know, but it was just SO good to see her again.

“Alex” She breathed into my ear

“Rhia, baby, god I missed you so much” I said hugging her tight. I set her down and kissed her gently, before dropping to my knees and lifting up her shirt. She laughed and ran her fingers through my hair which had grown longer.

“Hey Donna Bella. It’s daddy, how you doin in there baby girl?” I asked softly and placed a soft kiss on the bump that was hardly noticeable unless you were close up. I stood back up and held her hand tightly as we walked back to my 5 best friends. Nick had gone and gotten my bag.

“It’s so good to see you” Kev said giving me a hug

“You too man” I said

“You look better” Brian said also hugging me

“Thanks” I said

“Glad you good now man” Howie said as I hugged him next

“Dude, I am so proud of you” Nick said as he gave me a huge hug. I just smiled. We stood and talked for a little while before going back to the house.

“What have you all been doing?” I asked as we sat in the living room sprawled out all over the place.

“Just taking a break from it all” Kev answered for everyone

“How’s Aimee?” I asked looking at Nick

“We broke up” He said with a half smile

“Geez why?” I asked

“Just wasn’t working” He said with a shrug

“Ya’ll been looking after my wife?” I asked turning my head and kissing her cheek. She smiled and rubbed my arm

“Of course” Howie grinned

“How’ve you been?” I asked her

“I wasn’t good for the first month, but you knew that. It didn’t get any easier but Nicky was always there for me” She said smiling at Nick

“So you guys hung out?” I asked

“Yeah” She said and lay her head on my shoulder

“What’d ya’s do?” I asked looking at them.

“We mostly just sat and talked” Nick said

“That’s all?” I asked

“Well we mucked around heaps. Remember that day we busked in the park?” Nick asked her. They both laughed.

“Yeah that was so funny. Nick wore a wig and the geekiest outfit ever and we sang all these songs. We took turns playing the guitar hey. We made like $100” She said

“I remember that. Jenn and I walked past you guys” Howie piped up

“Damn that day was awesome” Nick said shaking his head

“Yeah we were like wearing the grossest clothes we could find and Nick took me out for lunch at a real posh place. They didn’t let us in until Nick waved a wad of cash at them” Reese said a big smile on her face.

“We’ll have to do it again one day” Nick said nodding

“Yeah” She grinned. I realised almost instantly that she wasn’t having fun with me anymore.

Chapter 2

Howie, Kev and Bri left about an hour later while Nick stayed.

“I’m just gonna go have a shower before I put dinner on” Reese said standing up. She bent down and pecked my lips before walking up the stairs. I saw Nick watching her go up.

“So what’s happenin dude?” Nick asked me with a smile

“I saw the way you watched her go upstairs” I said

“So what? I’m not allowed look at her?” He asked with a grin

“Not like that you’re not” I said

“What the fuck? I just watched her go up the stairs” He said

“You looked at her the way you look at a girl at a bar” I snapped

“Dude, calm the fuck down” He said sitting up

“No, she’s my wife” I said

“So I guess it’s different that you continually checked out Kristin and Leigh?” He asked. He did have a point.

“I wasn’t married back than” I said in a low voice

“Jesus Jay” He said standing up

“You think I don’t know what’s going on? She’s not happy with me Nick you know it and I know it. I see the way she looks at you too” I said

“No, AJ you are completely fucking wrong. Reese is so in love with you it’s not funny” He said

“Than why were her eyes shining when you were talking about your little play in the park?” I asked raising to my feet.

“Let me tell you something. That girl was distraught while you were in Rehab. The only time she stopped crying during your stay was that day in the park and today” He snapped. I was silent.

“So don’t give me any shit about looking at her” He said and turned away, walking into the kitchen. I followed.

“I tried so hard to keep her happy AJ, to the extent that I would stay up all night singing to her so she would sleep” He said as he leaned against the counter. Still I stayed quiet.

“Do you know how messed up she was? Of course you don’t. You’re too busy accusing me of looking at her” He said in a soft voice. I closed my eyes.

“Nick I’m sorry” I whispered

“Yo man, just wake up to yourself a little bit. Look at her, she loves you AJ” He said. I looked down.

“She just doesn’t seem happy with me” I said

“Of course she’s happy with you. She’s still here right?” He asked

“Yeah you’re right. I’m sorry dude” I said. He came over and slapped me on the back.

“I’m always right Jay” He grinned. I gave a little half laugh and followed him back into the living room just as she came down. I hadn’t realised Nick and I were arguing for that long.

“You staying for dinner, Nick?” She asked

“Nah I should probably get going” He said

“No stay, I insist” I piped up

“Mmm, yeah alright whatcha cookin chicka?” He asked

“Jesus I dunno, whatever’s in the freezer maybe” She said

“You need some help?” I asked her

“No, you sit your hot ass down and talk with Nick” She said with a smile. I nodded and she went into the kitchen.

“So we’ll try again. What’s happenin?” Nick asked

“Nota, thought I might get another tat” I said

“Awesome, what of?” He asked

“Was thinking maybe a skull” I said with a nod.

“Sounds good. I wanna get another but I dunno what” He said

“Should go together in a week or so” I said

“hell yeah!” He agreed

“Does chicken and pasta sound good to you guys?” Reese asked from the door way

“Sounds delicious” I replied. She smiled and disappeared again.

Chapter 3

We sat in the living room with the TV on as we ate and talked about so many different things that we could barely keep our mouths shut.

“I thought maybe we could build our own studio in the attic” I said to Reese

“That’s a good idea. Than we can do our own songs” She grinned

“That’s an awesome idea” Nick agreed

“What are we gonna do for the nursery?” She asked

“Well I was thinking we could make it the room across from ours and have fairly neutral walls, like pastel yellow or something and a teddy bear runner” I said to her

“Why pastel yellow?” Nick asked

“In case Donna Bella turns out to be Alexander Nickolas” Reese said

“Alexander Nickolas huh” Nick said with a small grin

“well unl;ess Alex doesn’t like it, but I think it’s a fitting name for a little Backstreet Baby Boy” She said. I grinned and nodded.

“Alexander Nickolas is good” I said. She smiled and stood up, taking our dirty dishes into the kitchen and than re-emerging carrying a cupcake with a lit candle sticking out the top. I looked at her curiously. Nick and I agreed that having a big party would just make you face temptation so. Welcome home Alex” She said placing it on the table in front of me

“Oh thank you” I said, tears coming to my eyes. I stood up and wrapped my arms around her.

“I’m sorry I left you baby” I whispered

“No, Alex, no, don’t say that. If you hadn’t gone you’d still be drinking and everything would be horrible. I’m glad you went” She said touching my face gently

“You mean everything to me” I said

“And you to me” She answered with a warm smile. I glanced behind me at Nick and saw him staring at the tv, although he was smiling.

“I, uh, wrote a song while I was in there” I said stepping back

“Sing it for us?” She asked, now Nick was looking at us

“Empty spaces fill me up with holes, distant faces with no place left to go. Without you within me I can’t find no rest where I’m goin is anbodys guess. I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you, I’m awake but my world is half asleep. I pray for this heart to be unbroken but without you all I’m going to be is incomplete” I sang softly, swaying Reese in a dance. I felt her start to cry and also started to cry. Even Nick looked choked up.

“God we’re a pack of pussies” She said laughing. I also laughed, hugging her to my body.

“That’s a real good song Jay” Nick said

“Yeah. I’ve got it written down it’s in my bag” I said clearing my throat

“Blow out your candle and eat your cake” Reese said. I laughed and we sat down. I blew out the candle and pulled it out, putting it on the table and taking a bite of the small cake.

“Yum” I grinned and offered her a bite. She took one and smiled. I waited until we’d both stopped chewing and leaned over, kissing her gently.

“Hey guys, person still in room” Nick said. I flipped him off and kept kissing her.

“Cmon guys” He whined. Reese broke the kiss and grinned at me.

“To be continued?” She asked and I laughed

“Definitely” I answered

Chapter 4

Nick had not long left and Reese and I were sitting on the couch talking.

“Were you alright while I was gone?” I asked her, playing with her soft hair

“Not really no. I tred to be strong but I couldn’t do it it. When Nick and I talked we talked about you. I think he’s sick of you. When we mucked around I always thought about you. You know it was only in the last few weeks that I came home because it was too painful for ages all I saw when I closed my eyes was you passed out on the floor. I didn’t know if you were dead” She said softly, looking at me

“I’m sorry” I said. She smiled and leaned against me.

“It’s ok” She whispered

“I can’t believe you waited for me” I said to her

“Why wouldn’t I?” She asked, surprised

“You could do so much better than this. You’re only 21 and you’re married with a baby on the way” I said

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way” She answered

“I’m gonna ask the guys if we can take a break. Just calm down from the touring and the recording and have a break with our families” He said

“That’s a good idea” She said

“And I was thinking that we could go on our honeymoon” I added. She laughed and nodded.

“To Australia?” I asked

“If you want too” She said smiling

“Yeah I want to” I said

“Ok than” She grinned.

“I’ll start making arrangements tomorrow after I’ve talked to the guys” I said. She nodded and leaned forwards, planting a small kiss on my cheek. The phone started ringing and she smiled at me before leaning over to pick it up.

“Hello” She said and smiled.

“Sure we’ll go, 11:30? Yep that’s cool, need us to bring anything?” She asked. She nodded and said a few other things before saying goodbye and hanging up.

“Howie’s invited us to lunch tomorrow, I said we’d go” She said to me

“Good, that’ll give me an opportunity to talk to the fella’s” I said with a smile

“Apparently he’s got something bit to tell us” She said with a shrug

“Maybe Jenn’s pregnant too” I said

“Haha I doubt it, Drake’s only 2 and they’ve only been together for 3 months” She said

“Well anything’s possible” I said

“That’s true” She answered with a nod. We sat in silence for a while just watching TV. She lay down with her head in my lap and I played with her hair. Soon enough her breathing had evened out and she was asleep. I carefully shifted away and stood up, taking her into my arms carefully and taking her upstairs. I lay her on the bed and quickly got changed before climbing in beside her and covering us both.

“Goodnight Rhia” I whispered kissing the side of her head

“Goodnight my sweet little Princess” I said rubbing her belly gently. I lay on my back staring at the ceiling for ages until I too eventually drifted to sleep.

Chapter 5

I woke up the next morning to find myself alone. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 11am. I got up and went to the bathroom before going down stairs. I saw Nick and Reese sitting on the couch talking. She was curled up and facing him. He was spread out. He looked upset.

“Hey bro, what’s up?” I asked

“Just lonely” He said with a sigh. Reese touched his arm gently and smiled.

“Come stay with us for a few days. You can help us start getting the nursery ready” She said

“No, I don’t wanna intrude” He said glancing at me

“Nick, bro if you’re lonely come stay with us” I said taking a seat on the couch across from them

“I dunno” He said and half smiled

“Would be good to hang out again” He said to me

“Like the old days huh?” I asked. He grinned and nodded.

“You can have the downstairs room, for privacy if you want” Reese said. He nodded.

“Are you comin to D’s?” He asked me

“Yeah” I answered

“Do you think you should go get ready?” He asked with a chuckle

“Yeah I guess I should” I said laughing. I stood back up and trudged upstairs to get ready. When I came down Nick was telling Reese that he was gonna get out his playstation and bring that over too. I shook my head and smiled.

“I’m ready” I said

“Let’s go than” Reese said also standing up. I noticed she was wearing a cute knee length denim skirt. Nick picked up his key’s from the end table and walked towards the door. Reese looked at me.

“What?” I asked

“We should have a bit of fun” She said walking over to me

“What kinda fun?” I asked with a grin

“The innocent kind. Let’s go to the fair one night” She said wrapping her arms around my neck

“We’ll have to invite Nicky boy if he’s staying” I said. She shrugged and leaned up, pecking my lips gently. I smiled.

“You guys comin?” Called Nick

“Yeah” I answered. She grinned and let me go, walking towards the front door. I smiled and following.

“Who’s car?” I asked

“We can take mine, it’s closer” Nick said

“Let’s go” I said. We headed towards his convertible.

“You can have the front” I said opening the front door for Reese. She smiled and kissed me before climbing in. I jumped in the back and made myself comfortable. The drive there was rather uneventful. As we walked in Reese ran over to Jennisen and they immediately started talking and than Jennisen came over to me and smiled.

“It’s good to have you back AJ” She said pulling me into a quick embrace.

“Thanks” I answered. She smiled and went back over to Reese and they started talking again. Nick and I found everyone else out on the deck. Kev grinned and held up a glass of coke. Alcohol free zone dude, get yourself a coke” He said. I smiled and grabbed a glass and helped myself to coke. We sat and talked for a while before Jenn and Reese eventually came out. Reese was carrying the cutest little boy I’ve ever seen.

“Alex this is Drake. Drake, this is Aunt Reese’s husband AJ, can you say hi to him?” She asked gently

“Howwo” Replied the boy

“Hey little guy” I said tickling his stomach. He giggled and turned his head.

“Aww you’re shy aren’t ya baby boy?” Jenn said to him, taking him off Reese and setting him down. He went over to Howie and looked at Nick and I curiously

“he’s a cutie” I said to Jenn as Reese sat beside me.

“Where are Leigh and Kris?” She asked Kev and Brian

“Leigh’s not feeling well” Bri said with a nod

“Yeah and Kris is at work” Kev said. Reese nodded. Kev never was good at lying.

“Well since we’re all here, let’s have some food” Howie said standing up

“BBQ?” I asked

“Nope Mexican food” Jenn piped up with a grin. We filed inside and sat at the beautifully set dining table. We sat and Jenn served up the meals and placed them in front of us. As we ate we talked and talked.

“Hey fella’s” I said after Bri had told a funny joke.. All eyes turned to me.

“I was wondering, would it be ok if we took a break? I’d like to go on a honeymoon before our first anniversary” I said glancing across to Reese who smiled at me

“I was going to suggest that we have a break for a year or so at least. To get back on track. Regroup” Kev said nodding

“Where ya’ll goin for your honeymoon?” Nick asked

“Hawiaii” Reese and I said together. We both grinned.

“Umm, while everyone’s not talking, I have something to say” Howie said. We all looked at him. He stood up. He looked a little nervous.

“Jenni, my sweet heart. I love you so much” He said looking down at her. She blushed, but grinned.

“I know that we’ve only been together for a short time. But I know now that I want to spend the rest of my life with you” He said and slowly lowered himself down.  6 mouths dropped.

“Marry me?” He asked.

Chapter 6

“María santo, madre dulce de dios!” Was her reply. Howie held up a box with a ring sparkling inside it.

“What did she say?” Whispered Nick

“Holy Mary, sweet mother of god” Reese whispered back

“Will you?” Howie persisted. She nodded. He grinned and slipped the ring on her finger. Reese started grinning and 7 sets of chairs were scraped back as Jenn and Howie hugged. They let go and Jenn immediately turned to Reese and they both started squealing and hugging. We all gave Howie hugs and congratulated him. But I noticed Nick looking a little lost. I gave hi arm a reassuring squeeze and smiled at him. He half smiled back and sat back in his seat. The rest of the afternoon was a blurr and I didn’t notice Nick was missing until Reese said that we should go so that the lovers could celebrate. While everyone said good bye I went outside and saw Nick with a coke leaning against the railing.

“You ok buddy?” I asked

“Yeah I’m fine” He said

“You ready to go?” I asked.

“I thought I might hang with Rok for a while, you can take my car to go home” He said handing me the keys. I took them and gave him a quick hug before following Reese out to the car. We were cruising along, talking about how exciting it was that Jenn and Howie were getting married when a car ran a red light and hit us. I blacked out instantly. When I came to I was in a hospital bed and my head was aching something fierce. I tried to focus my eyes on a shadow in my corner but couldn’t.

“Jay?” Came Kev’s voice

“Kev? What happened?” I asked groggily

“You were in an accident” He said

“Rhianna?” I asked

“She’s in surgery” He said, his voice cracking.

“The baby?” I gasped

“She lost it” He said. I felt my eyes prickle with hot tears.

“No” I said

“I’m Sorry AJ” He said coming towards me

“How long have I been out?” I asked as tears streamed down my face

“2 hours” He said

“Where is she? I want to see her” I said sitting up and ignoring the pounding in my head. He went and got a nurse and she checked me over silently and than let me go. I followed Kev up to the surgery ward and saw everyone in the sitting room. Nick stood and came over to me.

“Jay I am so sorry” He said

“any word?” I asked ignoring him

“AJ, honey, she’s got some pretty bad injuries” Jennisen croaked from behind me. I turned and she nodded to some chairs that were set away from the others. I followed her over and sat down.

“The seat belt snapped on impact and she was thrown out of the car. She lost the baby” She said. I nodded, tears coming to my eyes again

“Her leg is broken in a few different places and a fair few broken ribs. Her jaw is broken too” She said softly, her voice cracking with emotion. I don’t remember much else until when the doctor came out.

“She’s in recovery and the surgery went well. We think she’s going to be fine, but will need to stay here for a while yet” He said

“Can I see her?” I asked

“Mr McLean I think the best thing you could do right now is go home and rest until tomorrow afternoon. You have a slight concussion” He said

“Come on I’ll take you” Kev said taking my arm. I let him and Nick drag me away and suddenly found myself in my bed bawling my eyes out. I cried and cried until I was sore and than I cried some more. I went down stairs after about 4 hours and saw Nick and Kev both asleep in my living room. I quietly went past them and out the door, grabbing my wallet as I went. I walked for ages until I saw the familiar sign.

Chapter 7

I went in and looked around at the familiar setting. I sat down and without even asking the bartender put a glass in front of me. I nodded and stared at it for the longest time, contemplating whether or not to drink it. One won’t hurt I thought and downed it in one 2 hours and about 14 glases of beer later I found myself in a lady’s bed screwing her brains out until we both passed out. 7 hours later I dragged myself home to find a frantic Kev and Nick pacing the house.

“Jesus Christ AJ where the FUCK have you been?” Kev asked when I stumbled in the door

“Out” Was my reply

“Reese is awake. She’s asking for you” Nick said

“I don’t wanna see her” I answered and went upstairs. I flung myself on the bed and slept for the rest of the day. I woke up that night at about 12 and realised I was still, REALLY drunk. I dressed in my best clothes and left the house, again going past Nick and Kev who were a sleep. Idiots I thought. This time when I went to the bar I didn’t drink as much and found myself in the same lady’s room as the night before, but this time I knew what I was doing and neither of us passed out. When I got home Nick punched me and than I was thrown in a shower and dragged to the hospital.

“Alex?” Reese asked. I could barely look at her.

“Hey” I whispered

“Why didn’t you come sooner?” She asked. She sounded weak and in pain

“I don’t know” I answered sitting beside her.

“You’ve been drinking” She said and I saw tears cloud her eyes. I stood and left. It went on for a month. I went to the bar every night and was with the same lady. It worked out well apart from the fact that I hardly got any sleep because Nick or Kev or Howie and Bri would drag me to the hospital and Reese would just whine the entire time I was there. When she came home I got so sick of everything and everyone, but I tried, for her. I still loved her but I couldn’t handle it.

“You’re not the only one who’s heart is broken! You’re not the only one who hurts” I yelled at her one day and left. I went and stayed at a friends house for the weekend and when I got back to the house and saw Reese sitting on the couch watching TV I didn’t know what to do. I went and sat beside her.

“I’m sorry” I said

“Yeah” She answered

“I love you” I said

“I love you too” She answered but didn’t look at me

“I need to tell you something” I said. She nodded.

“I’m sleeping with another lady” I said softly

“Nick told me” She said

“Are you angry?” I asked

“What do you think?” She snapped, finally looking at me. I saw pain and confusion in her eyes

“I can’t handle this” I said

“Than leave. I don’t care” She said starting to cry. I stood and went upstairs packed a bag and left. As I walked down the steps to the path I heard her screaming, but I didn’t stop. I went to Maria’s house and as soon as I was in side and the door was closed we were at it.

Chapter 8

3 weeks later I still hadn’t turned my phone on because I knew that when I did I would be bombarded with messages from the guys and Reese and my mom and her mom and I couldn’t deal with that. I didn’t want to deal with that. I refused to go back. I didn’t know what would happen. But I did find myself crying to sleep every night. I cried for my unborn child and I cried for my wife, but I still refused to go back. Even when Maria told me that I should, I refused. When I finally turned my cell on I found 112 voice messages. I started going through them and ended up just deleting the lot. After an hour after I’d turned it on it started ringing.

“What?” I asked answering it

“AJ” Said Jennisen

“What?” I said again

“She loves you” Was all she said

“I can’t go back” I answered

“Why not?” She asked

“Because I’m an alcoholic again, I’m sleeping with another woman, there’s a lot of reasons. The main one being that I don’t think I love her any more” I lied more to myself than her

“You are a prick, you know that? She’s your fucking wife, she’s got depression and her husband is a sleeze” She said and hung up. I threw the phone on the bed of the hotel I was staying at and clenched my fists. I yanked open the mini bar and fnished every drop of alcohol that was in there and than rang up a dealer I knew. He came up and we got high and than drank more. When I woke up from being passed out I started all over again, got drunk, got high and drank some more. I woke up from a long night and found a paper sitting on the table in my room. I unfolded it and looked at the pictures. One was me and Reese from before the tour had finished and the other was me looking like a stunned mullet in a photo I don’t even remember being taken. The headline read: ‘Backstreet Bad Boy Back With Avengence As Wife Battles Depression’